This is Not What I Signed Up For

Oh, Dearest Family:

This is one of the reasons that my sanity is in question. Remember when I started working swing shift, 3pm - 11pm? It was about 3 1/2 years ago. I took this shift so that I could stay home with Kylie during the day, and the dad person could be home with the kids at night. No daycare to pay for, one parent always home, etc.

I remember the second night I came home from work, June 11th, 2004. I remember it well, because the house was TRASHED. And I was PISSED. At that time, I thought "No way am I going to come home at 11:30pm every night to this!"

So we established some rules. Some chores for the girls. They're not hard. Each of the older two girls has two responsibilities every night, and they switch off each night. One of them loads up the dishwasher and runs it. This person is also responsible for the tiled area off the kitchen, where Kylie's toys are. Enlist Kylie's help, please, to make sure that it's neat. The other person is responsible for putting away any leftovers from dinner, wiping down the kitchen counters, and straightening up the living room. That means getting rid of any TRASH on the computer desk, entertainment center, and floor. You know...soda cans, granola bar wrappers, etc. It also means picking up the shoes, socks, books, clothes, and anything else that happens to be laying around. This takes each kid 15 minutes, tops.

I understand that Shannon fell asleep at 7pm tonight. I get that. But don't leave me a frickin' note on the refrigerator that says "Shay fell asleep, the dishes were her job tonight, so don't touch them!" That note was from Danielle. I hate to break this to you, but I really don't give a damn who's job it was. What I don't want is to walk in this house at 11:30pm and see a f***ing sink full of dirty f***ing dishes. Yes, I washed them and ran the dishwasher. I don't want to see that mess when I come downstairs in the morning! Oh, and guess how long it took me to clean it up? Probably about 7 minutes. But God forbid, I wouldn't want to take 7 precious minutes away from your My Space time. Of course, we all know your dad isn't going to monitor this. He was too busy upstairs, lying on the bed watching the Broncos game.

By the way, family...I've been up since 6am this morning. Do you know what I really want to do when I come home at 11:30pm from WORK? No, it's not collapse into bed and go to sleep. What I really want to do, Steve, is drag the damn garbage bin from the backyard out to the curb so the garbage will actually get picked up at 6am tomorrow morning. Because if I didn't put it out there, by the end of this week, the can would be so full that we wouldn't be able to stuff anything else in there. I guess the fact that a lot of the neighbors had their cans out isn't a clue that tomorrow is garbage pick-up day. And don't tell me you weren't out there, because you go out there to smoke, and I know you go out there before you go to bed. So don't tell me you didn't see the other cans out there.

Also, one of my favorite things to do when I get home is not watch a tiny bit of TV and then fall asleep. What I really like to do is go around and pick up cups and soda cans off the entertainment center and random pieces of paper off the floor and computer desk, plus all the garbage that is somehow UNDER the computer desk. And then I like to turn all the lights out, because for some reason, every stinking light in this house was on, even though everyone is in bed. I can't think of anything I'd rather do at 11:30pm than walk all around this house and clean up after all of you. So thank you, for giving me that. I don't know what I'd do without all of you. Well, except have a clean house.

Does anyone else ever have the feeling that their family would be walking around knee-deep in their own crap if it weren't for you? And better yet, they really don't give a shit? Ok, now that I'm done ranting AND cleaning up, I'm going to bed now. Gotta get those 6 hours of sleep in before I get to get up and do it all over again tomorrow. Oh, joy.