Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Now My Laptop Has A Complex

It's not bad enough that we (and by we, I mean women) are bombarded with images from the media showing us what we are supposed to look like in order to be attractive.

Does that bitch EVER smile? Oh, and she still wants to lose three kilos before the Old Spice Tour starts. That's 6.6 lbs to we Americans. And yes, I had to look that up.

But now, the media are after my laptop.

My poor Toshiba. Apparently, it's fat. When I logged on to my computer this morning, and my Yahoo homepage came up, the very first thing I saw was this:

Apple is now bragging that their new MacBook Air is the skinniest laptop. Not only that, but Yahoo had a search box where I could search for the skinniest laptops. Keira Knightly and Kate Bosworth have got nothing on this machine. At its widest point, it's .76 inches thick. My Toshiba Tecra A7 is about 2 inches thick! And it feels guilty! It knows it shouldn't have downloaded that extra helping (or three) of stuffing over the holidays! Or perhaps I'm projecting a bit there.

I blame Steve Jobs for making laptops think that they have to be a certain size. That's just wrong. Laptops need to learn to love themselves just the way they are. And if they don't, there's no amount of defragging or disk cleanup that's going to make them feel good about themselves. Steve, you're projecting unhealthy stereotypes onto a whole generation of laptops! And what about the next generation? Now they're going to think they have to be the skinniest too. Pretty soon they're going to start spontaneously purging their files, because they think it will make them smaller. Or else they'll just refuse to download anything at all, and pretty soon they'll just be nothing but an empty hard drive.

Skinny women, skinny laptops, what's next? Are we going to have to have the skinniest TV? The skinniest phone? Oh wait... The skinniest jeans? Shit. Hey, maybe I can lay a claim to have the skinniest cubicle at work! I can ask them to remove a panel or two, and then I can have a smaller workspace than anyone else! I win!

Oh hell, who am I kidding? If you're looking for me, I'll be over here with my laptop and a pan of brownies. Well, I'll be here, anyway. My laptop is calling Jenny Craig.


Manic Mom said...

OOOH I need to get with the program and buy a laptop and a computer whiz suggested the toshiba to me. But is it too fat for me? I don't want a chubby laptop!!! LOL!

Shelley said...

I like standing next to my fat laptop. It makes me look thinner. Don't get the skinny laptop, who the hell needs that kind of pressure?

Mary said...

I use a laptop cooler making my lappy extra chubby! It's like wearing a big parka around my chubness - makes me twice as puffy!

Have you seen the dove campaign for real beauty?


Lish said...

Ha! You kill me!

Jenifer said...

That was funny. Once again I'm laughing behind my computer at work and people are thinking I'm crazy. Thanks! My lap top is chubbier then yours! I don't think I will pull this post up on her so she won't feel bad about herself. I just thinned her out by moving 2007 pictures to CD's, but she is still vulnerable.

Rob said...

Wellll, she could drop 6.6 pounds by draining just half of her silicone out. Then she could re-caulk the whole bathroom with it.

We should not feel bad in comparison to fake people

Kiki said...

She's a big fan of that book Skinny Bitch. And in laptop news...Is it wrong that I get food on mine while looking up calories online?

Great blog by the way. Very witty.

onthegomom said...

Ahhhh, I miss my laptop! (And it's fat, too but I. Don't. Care!) :-)

maggy said...

The motherboard as the laptop for me must to be efficient, quality and of course with a reasonable price. This is similar when i usually see to costa rica homes for sale i think is the best option in the market if you want to know a beautiful country and to a get a house quality.