Saturday, December 29, 2007

A Few More Christmas Thoughts

As I am reflecting on the gifts I received, plus those I've bought with gift cards I received, something has occurred to me. In many areas of my home, I live as though I'm still living in my first apartment.

The worst example is my kitchen. Take my flatware. Please. When Steve and I were first married, my parents gave us a very nice set of flatware as a wedding gift. Oneida, not silver, but still not cheap. That was sixteen years ago. Since then, I have never bought another set of flatware. Consequently, what we had was a weird hodgepodge of a few remaining pieces of the original set, mixed with dollar store crap and I don't know what else. Needless to say, it was ugly, none of it matched, and it looked like I scooped it out of the bin at the thrift store. It's been that way for a very long time.

Why? Because I couldn't afford a set of flatware? Well, no. I'm not sure why exactly, except that it just never seemed important enough to spend money on. I never thought about it really, unless I was looking at it, and thinking 'dang, this stuff is ugly.' But when I was at the store, it never occurred to me to buy any...I just never thought about it. So, I am happy to say, that with the gift card my mother gave me, I purchased a new, 8 serving, 46 piece set of flatware. It all matches, and it has a pretty design that I like on the handles. And I threw all the other crap OUT. It was actually quite satisfying to throw the old stuff out. And now my silverware drawer looks like...well, like an adult actually lives here.

Then there was my cookware. I don't particularly enjoy cooking, so maybe that's why I never really cared about my pots and pans. But again, it was all thrift store crap and old stuff. A very strange collection of old, dented, lid-missing, mismatched stuff. You know that one big pot, the one you cook pasta in? Dutch Oven? Yeah, mine was green and so badly dented on one side that the lid had no hope of fitting on it. One of my gifts from Steve was a very nice collection of Silverstone cookware. I love it. Once again, I threw out all of that old stuff, and made tons of room for my nice cookware set. Again, I don't much care for cooking, but maybe I'll want to more, now.

The last thing was my can opener. I had this nightmare of an electric can opener that we paid three dollars for at a rummage sale. I supposed it worked all right at first, but after awhile it always slightly misshaped the cans, so that there were those two spots, directly across from each other, that never got cut by the dull blade. So then you had to pry the lid open with a fork until you could pour or shake all the contents out of the can. Also, it made the most awful whirring-squeaking noise you can imagine. Why did I live with that thing for so long? A nice, new electric can opener costs all of what, $15 at Target? I could have gone out and gotten one at any time, but I didn't. I don't know why. Anyway, that was another one of my gifts...a new, black Hamilton Beach electric can opener. I used it for the first time last night, and it works amazingly well. It's very quiet, and the lids actually came all the way off the cans, and it only had to go around once! Awesome.

I've been reflecting though, on why I live with crappy stuff. If my kids need stuff...clothes, whatever...we get it for them. They don't have TVs or computers in their rooms (on purpose), but they have their own computer downstairs, the older two both have cell phones and iPods. Oh, and they now also have a Wii. They have nice clothes. They don't have extravagant stuff, but they're certainly not hurting for anything. And Danni has a nice vanity now to sit at while she puts on makeup and straightens her straight hair.

But I deal with second-hand, old beat-up crap. Some of it is financial...I can't afford to go out and get a brand new bedroom set for myself, although I'd like to. We have a dresser that Steve brought with him when he moved in with me that we are still using to this day. I think it belonged to his grandmother. It's ugly and beat up, and has crayon all over it from three kids. It holds our clothes just fine, so a new dresser isn't something we really need. I mean, our clothes aren't being stored in stacked cardboard boxes or anything. I'm looking around this room, and there's nothing in here that I love, nothing that says "this is MY haven from the world." There's a bed, the dresser, and a nightstand, and that's about it. A few pictures on the walls.

I know this is all trying to tell me something. And I know you'd all say that it says that I don't think I'm worth nice stuff, or that like a typical mom, I put everyone else's needs/wants first, and me last. I don't think that's it though. Or maybe it is. It has me thinking, though.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Santa Was Here

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. We had a very nice Christmas here. Per our usual tradition, we went over to Steve's parents' house Christmas eve and exchanged presents with his parents, brother, sister and their families. Steve's mom usually just hands out cash, and this year was no exception. Thanks mom! :) We basically just hung out, ate lasagna and watched the Broncos game. On the way home, we took our time and found some spectacular light displays. But we needed to get home, because Santa couldn't come until Kylie was asleep, you know.

In spite of my children's less-than-stellar behavior, somehow they wound up on the "nice" list again this year. Santa must be lowering his standards. He did make a stop at our house...I have evidence:

The kids dug into their stockings while we waited for my parents to arrive, which they did around 9am. We turned on the yule log/Christmas music channel on the TV, and Kylie immediately did this:

You would think I told her to do that just for a picture, but that's what she honestly did. She thought the screen might be hot to the touch. Arizona kids, sheesh.

Kylie loves Littlest Pet Shop stuff, so this was a big hit:

Danni was even almost awake:

Somehow, Santa brought a Wii to my house. I'm not sure what my kids did to deserve this, or how he found one, but nonetheless:

I kind of slipped up one day about it, so the two older kids kind of knew about we made it the very last gift and made them hunt clues for it. My mom always used to do that when I was a kid, and I remember how fun it was. I try to do it for my kids too. Actually, I had the envelope with the first clue hidden under the tree skirt, so for a moment it looked like there were no more presents. Shannon had kind of a disappointed look, but I was only going to hold back for a second or two. Then I found out that Steve told her we had taken it back, because they found out about it. He's so mean! Anyway, I quickly handed Shannon the envelope, and she and Kylie raced around the house, finding the clues (there were about 8 of them) and finally the wrapped up Wii in the dryer. Hee. Danni was content to sit on the couch and let them find it. I think the reason that Steve looks so thrilled in the background is because he knows he's about to have to hook something up.

Grandad was pretty excited about all the action by this point:

Once Steve got the Wii hooked up, which was a surprisingly short amount of time, everyone (read: the kids and Steve) spent most of the rest of the day playing with it. Here Steve and Shannon are playing baseball:

Then everyone showed off their bowling technique:

Steve and I actually bowl on a league, and he's really good (like 200+ average), so even when he bowls on the Wii, he still has to have the "form".

See that orange shirt on the couch behind him? Yeah, that was my present to him, an authentic throwback, #7 Elway Broncos jersey. He was pretty stunned when he opened that. I had to explain to him that I had gone into the sports store, not intending to buy that. I was just going to get him a shirt. But then I found out that all teams that were already out of the playoffs? All the apparel was 40% off! So I had to tell him, basically you finally got your Elway jersey (those things aren't cheap!) because the Broncos suck so bad this year. Heh!

And now I have to show you my favorite new boots/slippers. And no, they are NOT Uggs. They are generic Uggs. lol But I love them, and I've been wearing them everywhere since Christmas day. Unfortunately, they'll only have about a four month shelf life here in AZ, the rest of the year it will be too hot to wear them. So I intend to get full use out of them while I can. I love these boots. Well done, honey.

Dinner was ham, baked potatoes, corn, dinner rolls and pumpkin pie. Yum! Mimi and Grandad left around 4:30pm. By that time, by all rights it should have been time for a nice long nap, but somehow, it wasn't. I was in bed quite early though, about 8pm, with a glass of wine, trying to calm my nerves while Kylie was still jumping around. I couldn't believe she hadn't crashed by then.

We actually had a very nice day, no major catastrophes, everyone was happy with their gifts. And still, somehow at the end of the day, every last nerve I had was shot. Wine helps! Merry Christmas, everyone!

Monday, December 24, 2007


On this Christmas Eve, I thought I'd share something we did with Kylie over the weekend. The older two girls were off doing their own thing Friday night, so Steve and I decided to take Kylie to Zoolights.

Unfortunately, she was really fixated on the "zoo" part, rather than the lights. She kept looking for the animals. In the dark. No matter how many times I told her that the animals were inside sleeping because it was cold and dark, and we were there to look at the lights, the whole way through she kept looking for the animals.

We had fun though, in spite of her obsession with finding the animals. The lights are always beautiful.

Well ok...there was this one animal. But he's not real. It's a mechanical giraffe who talks to the kids. There's some guy with a microphone standing nearby being the giraffe voice. If you can find him you can have him say hi to your kid personally, but I couldn't find the guy.

Hey, we finally found the animals! The ones on the merry-go-round, anyway.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Fear and Loathing at the DMV

Just a little tribute to one of my favorite writers there. Hey Hunter, how are things in the afterlife? I'm afraid I might be joining you soon. I hope not, but let me explain.

You see, there was a bit of loathing today at the DMV, just because it's the DMV. Actually, it wasn't all that bad, except for the screaming babies and toddlers running all over the place. Even that's not so bad, because I have one of those kids too, so I understand. I left her at home though. (Uh, with Shannon...not by herself. Just thought I'd clarify that.) We were in and out of there in about an hour, which is a reasonable amount of time. I've had much worse experiences at the DMV.

No, The Fear comes when you realize that your 15 year-old daughter can now legally operate a motor vehicle. MY motor vehicle. Provided a licensed driver is sitting beside her, of course. I fear think that more often than not, I will be that licensed driver. I have already let her drive on residential streets around our neighborhood, but never on a main road.

But today, we left the DMV and went to the grocery store to get Christmas cookie supplies. Then I let her drive from the grocery store to our house, which involved a main road. And when I say main road, I'm not talking about a main road that cows occasionally cross. I'm talking about the 5th largest metro area in the country, four days before Christmas. Let's just say there's a lot of traffic.

And now, in exactly five minutes, we're supposed to pick up her friend down the street, and I'm taking them both to the mall. Except that she wants to drive on the way there, because her friend is all excited that Danni has her permit, and she "wants to see me drive!" I'm thinking about back roads we can take to the mall. There are some, but there will be no avoiding a busy intersection or two.

I realize that the only way to learn to drive it just to do it. I did it, my brother did it, we all did it...most of us with a parent sitting next to us. How do people do this without having a coronary episode?

Well, I'm off to the mall...please pray for me.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

I Have Been Tagged!

My friend Jen's 10 year-old son has tagged me with a meme about my favorite things. I am honored, Mitchell! Since this is the first time I have ever been tagged for anything, I'm totally doing it. And since Mitch tagged me, I'm going to try and keep it clean. :)

My Favorite Things

1. My family (most of the time)

2. A select few awesome friends. I don't have a lot of close friends, but the ones I do have, I cherish.

3. Rainy days

4. Vanilla or apple-cinnamon scented candles

5. Football

6. Mexican food

7. Christmas morning

8. Reading

9. My favorite TV shows (Lost, Heroes, Amazing Race, October Road)

10. Kids who think I'm cool enough to tag. ;)

****** Literary Alert ******

Attention Parents, and Parents-to-be:

Although I know you have been anxiously awaiting the new parenting book being written by Lynne Spears, mother of Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears, unfortunately the publishing of this literary masterpiece has been put on "indefinite hold." In case you were wondering, the working title of the book is: Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World. A must-read, someone, I'm sure.

I wonder how Nickelodeon is going to handle this particular plotline in Zoey 101?

"Wow, Zoey's really put on some weight lately."

"Yeah man, she must have totally pigged out over the holidays."

That is all, except now I have no idea what to ask for for Mother's Day.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Hollister - Home of the Overpriced Clothes and the Overblown Attitudes

Is it written somewhere that to work at Hollister you have to be a snotty little bitch? I mean, is that on the application? Circle yes or no, and if you circle no the application is immediately filed in the big round file under the desk? Is it something they look for when they interview you?

My daughter's boyfriend got her this jacket for Christmas:

Cute, right? Except that he got her a small, and while she's quite flattered that he thought she was a small, and she can fit into it, she really does need a medium. I'm afraid that once I wash the thing, it's going to be too small. Well, I found out yesterday why he got a small. At the store he went to, they only had this jacket in small and extra large, nothing in between. The store "manager", (some barbie-looking bitch) wanted to know if I had a receipt (no, it was a gift from her boyfriend, but the name of your store is ALL OVER the damn thing, which would probably indicate it was not purchased at say, Target), if I had the tag (yes, it's not on the jacket but I do have it), and she's huffing and puffing, and WELL, IF it wasn't worn or WASHED, then I SUPPOSE....SIGH.

Look, bite me, Barbie. I don't want a cash refund, I just want a different freaking size that you don't even have. Seriously, shut it.

So this morning I called to a different store and I want to find out if they even have it in medium before I drive all the way out there. And I ask the same questions, and I get a lot of sighing and hemming and hawing and can you call back in about 30 minutes? Le sigh from this girl too.

I mean seriously...what the hell ever happened to customer service? I've worked in customer service and I'd be the last one to say "the customer is always right", because they're not...but really, common courtesy and a polite attitude you'd think, and at least ACTING like you might be helpful, would be a prerequisite for working in retail. But not in stores such as Hollister, apparently, where I think they're purposely trying to find the bitchiest, snottiest, Barbie-looking cheerleader types on the planet.

Ok, I just called that other "can you call back in 30 minutes" store, and apparently they do have a medium. But she can't hold it for me until about 1pm, when I can actually make it out there. "Oh, I'm sure it'll still be here." You know, it's not their policies that bother me, but their "Omg, you're bothering me" attitude. Ok chica, I'm coming down there, but if it's not there, I'm taking it out of your Barbie ass.

PS. I am happy to report that Operation Hoodie Exchange was a success! And I didn't even have to yell at anyone. The girl at the other mall was actually quite nice and helpful. Of course, she wasn't 17 and she wasn't a bleached blonde bitch. She even went and got the replacement size for me, rather than the process of "leave that one here, and go get the one you want." Well done, salesgirl, well done. You've no idea how much I appreciated the hassle-free transaction.

And the medium does fit SO much better.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Everybody, Everybody Cut Footloose!

This was so one of my favorite movies in high school. I thought Kevin Bacon was so hot.
As you may or may not be aware, Footloose has been made into a musical.

Danni's high school will be putting on the musical sometime in the spring. Danni tried out last week, and she made it! She does not have a speaking part, but will be one of the singing/dancing high school students, which I think is not bad for a sophomore! They have a cast meeting on Tuesday, and will start rehearsals after the winter break. I'm excited! So is she.

Ok, I'm done bragging now, you may now all return to your regularly scheduled blogging. :)

Friday, December 14, 2007

Ok, Who's Watching?

I love this movie.

Matchbox 20 is Coming!

Matchbox 20 is coming in concert here, March 17th! Yay! Danni and I would love to go, so I thought it would be fun to get two tickets and put them under the Christmas tree. The tickets go on sale Monday. If I get the seats I want, two tickets are going to run me about $100. I could buy the $24 grass seats, but I sat there last time and you're basically watching the concert on the monitors.

So, I think as a present to myself (and Danni) I will be sitting in front of the computer on Monday morning at 10am, gettin' me some tickets. Woohoo!

(Editor's note: There was some other ranting here that has now been deleted. After a couple of days, I realized that the person that I was ranting about would probably be quite hurt if they ever happened to run across what I had written. I don't think this person sees themself as being that way at all, and while it makes me crazy, I would not want to hurt that person's feelings as I know it would. And yes, I realized I have mixed singular and plural pronouns here, but I decided to go with the gender-neutral, and therefore grammatically incorrect. Which probably doesn't matter to anyone but me.)

In other news, I had my morning all planned out today. Today is payday, so I was going to finish the Christmas shopping. Gift cards for two nephews and a niece, a nice set of knives for my mother-in-law, couple more things for Steve and I was done. Done done done. I had it all mapped out, and it fit quite nicely into the 3 hours that Kylie would be in preK this morning.

Except she didn't go.

She threw up a little this morning. Then I gave her some Sprite, and she threw that up too. She has no fever, and now she's saying she feels fine. So I have no idea what was up with that. By 10am she was racing around like a maniac, so we did go out and finish most of the shopping. I am almost done. Yay!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Kylie's First Haircut

Ok, I know what you're thinking. Isn't five years old a little old for a first haircut? And I'm not counting what she did to her own bangs about a year ago. I mean her first actual, official haircut.

I should probably offer some pictorial explanations on why she's just now getting her first haircut.

This is Kylie eating cake on her first birthday. As you can hair.

This is Kylie on her second birthday. Still not much going on in the hair department. She was still being called a boy on a regular basis by old men in Target.

This is October of 2005 at Knott's Berry Farm, so she would have just turned 3. Hair? Still not so much.

Every time her sisters have gotten a haircut, trim or anything done to their hair, she has begged me for a haircut. My answer has always been,

"No way! Do you know how long it took to grow what you've got now??"

But I looked at her today, and her hair was just all over the place. I decided it was time to give it a little shape. I still wanted it long, but just evened out a bit.

We went to this place called Snip Its, which is just for kids. She thought she was so cool up in that chair.

And now, the result. Drumroll, please....

Ok, not a huge difference, but it does look a little thicker. I think it's cute, and she just loves it. And before you say anything, YES, this picture was taken in Target. I know you are probably thinking that I have a serious problem, but I was only picking up a prescription! I SWEAR! I tried to take one out in the parking lot, but she wouldn't take her hand out from in front of her eyes (the sun, you know), so I did it inside. She told everyone at she saw at Target that she just had her very first haircut. And they all looked at me like I was crazy.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Runner's World? Really?

I just canceled my subscription to Parents Magazine. I did it online, and I wish they would have had a little text box and asked me why. Because I would have told them. I think they should just call it "Parents of Babies and Toddlers Magazine", because that's basically what it is.

I was not happy when they got rid of their "As They Grow" section for 9-12 year olds, and I have in fact emailed them several times to request that they add that back in, along with maybe a section on teenagers. But my emails are ignored, of course. I'm tired of reading 843 articles on breastfeeding, childproofing your house and whether or not crawling is an actual developmental milestone.

Here's a good example in the January 2008 issue. The title of the article is "The Age of Insolence", and the subtitle is "Is your kid's bad attitude driving you crazy? Find out how to rein in back talk at every age." Yes, they said EVERY AGE. Except they stop at age 6. Because kids all stop back-talking at age 6, right? Tell that to my 12 year-old and my 15 year-old. Got any suggestions for their attitudes, Parents?

How about some articles on dealing with your teenager starting to drive, having a boyfriend, hormonal adolescents, sports, starting jr high, applying to college, etc. Aren't those also "Parents" issues? No, according to Parents Magazine, apparently we stop parenting around age 8. So I'm done paying them.

I don't really care about this, but the reason for the post is this: Right after I canceled my subscription, all of a sudden an offer to subscribe to Runner's World appeared in my email. Are they owned by the same publishing company? Have these people ever SEEN me? Like my fat ass would be interested in reading Runner's World. Just in case they are interested, here are some magazines I would enjoy:

Having Your Cake and Eating it Too
People Who Stroll Leisurely Around the Mall
Target Addicts
Laundry, Dishes, and How to Avoid Them
Pictures of Hot Men Weekly

Feel free to add your own titles of magazines you would like to subscribe to. To which you would like to subscribe? That little preposition at the end of the sentence tends to bother me much more than it should. Oh, I have another one to add.

Grammar and Spelling Digest

It's a sickness, I know.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Christmas Boat Parade at Tempe Town Lake

As I mentioned in my previous post, one of the holiday events 'round these parts is the boat parade on Tempe Town Lake. They have activities starting at 4pm - snow pile, arts and crafts, Radio Disney stage, and various other stages with music, including Tuba Christmas. Plus all the vendors who come to hawk their wares, including some "buy a toy for charity" thing, which Kylie somehow knew about telepathically.

I took Kylie, Shannon, Danni, and Danni's boyfriend. Steve stayed home, because earlier in the day he had fallen down in the bedroom (?) and wrenched his left knee, which is the fake one. It swelled up and he could barely walk, and since this venture requires quite a bit of walking, I told him to stay home. Is it bad that at one point Danni pointed out to me that it was a lot more relaxing and fun without him there? Sad perhaps, but also true.

You'll notice I have pictures of boats, Kylie and Shannon. Danni and Boyfriend kind of went off and did their own thing, which is fine, because really what are they going to do in the middle of 30,000 people? Oh...go to the top of a parking garage and watch the parade from there, that's what. Hmmmm.

So anyway, on to the pictures.

Here are Kylie and Shannon in one of the two snow piles. Well, snow isn't exactly the right word, and no, it doesn't snow here. You see, they truck in some snow from somewhere where they've manufactured it at about 3pm. When it's like 63 degrees. So of course the stuff immediately starts to melt. Then when the sun goes down it gets a bit cooler...but basically what you end up with is a mound of ice that's hard to walk on without falling on your butt, with a lot of watery-slush around the outsides of the ice pile. Fun stuff!

This is Kylie while we are waiting in line for hot chocolate. Hot chocolate is absolutely necessary while watching the boat parade. Two larges and one small, $13.75! And it's not even Starbucks!

Yay, lighted boats!

Kylie and Shannon sitting on the wall that separates the walkway from the lake. Pretty much everyone sits on the wall to watch the parade. As far as I know, no one fell in the lake last night.

I don't know if you can tell, but there's a Grinch on that boat!

The guys on this boat were so drunk. They kept punching the top of the inside of the roof of their boat, so that bear was dancing and hopping all around. It was quite entertaining.

I know you can't see the people on this boat, but there were many, many old ladies, wearing Santa hats and trying to sing Christmas carols.

I think this one is my favorite, it's pretty.

Kylie playing with the spinning light toy thing she just had to have. Hey $5 for charity is a good thing, right? I just tell myself that as I tune out the whining.

So after the parade is over, they end with a nice fireworks display. Then I call Danni to find out where she and Boyfriend are. They meet us down by the lake, and since it's still early, we decide to go to this one street we go to every year, where every single house in a cul-de-sac is done up quite elaborately in lights. However, at this point Shannon starting whining that she didn't want to go because she was STARVING. I have to mention right here that I made a nice spaghetti dinner before we left, and told everyone to fill up, because I wasn't going to buy any over-priced food at the parade. I had to save my money for, you know, toys and over-priced hot chocolate, and parking.

And it's not that she didn't eat dinner, but she doesn't eat a lot at a time, and she seems to burn it off quite quickly. Fast metabolism...I hate her. Anyway, so I made a detour to grab a couple of cheeseburgers at Burger King. I mention that I made a detour, because I want to make it clear that had she not been whining about being hungry, I would have taken a different route. But, I went the way where I knew there was a B.K.

What I was not aware of, since I don't live in Tempe, is that the city of Tempe has recently installed red light cameras at certain intersections. My detour happened to carry me through one of those intersections. I was making a left turn at said intersection, and going through on a yellow arrow (yes, I swear it was YELLOW!) when a camera flashed in my face, nearly blinding me, and causing me to hit the brake briefly, followed by another flash taking a picture of my rear license plate. Ok, yeah...that's safe, blind me with a damn flash. Plus, the fucking arrow was YELLOW, and last time I checked, it was legal to enter the intersection on a yellow.

When I got home, I checked the city of Tempe website, and found out that there had been a 30 day grace period between the time they installed these insidious cameras, and the time they would begin sending out your by-mail ticket. The grace period was from Nov. 1st to Nov. 30th. So yeah, this was Dec. 8th. We already have these cameras in the city where I live, but I wasn't aware of these new ones in Tempe. Yes, I probably should have stopped, but I didn't, so there you go. According to the website, the fine is $160. I'll be sure to watch the mail for the ticket. That was one expensive cheeseburger Shannon...I hope you enjoyed it.

On a lighter note, as I was driving Boyfriend home, I had the radio on a station that insisted on playing nothing but commercials, prompting a shout from the backseat:

"Hey, can you put on some music?"

The first station I turned to happened to be an "oldies" station, and they just happened to be playing Barry Manilow's cheese-tacular hit, "Copacabana". If you ever want to make a car full of kids laugh hysterically, dance in your seat and sing along to this song while driving.

"She lost her youth and she lost her Tony, now she's lost! her! mind! At the Copa...Copacabana...the hottest spot north of Havana..."

Oh yeah, I'm cool.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

The Dog Just Puked Orange Frosting

What does the title have to do with this post? Not much really, except that yesterday when I was in kind of a foul mood, I thought of two blog post titles that made me laugh. "The Dog Just Puked Orange Frosting" was one of them, and the other one was "That Stuff is Worse Than Government Cheese!"

Unfortunately, I think the titles are funnier than either of the stories that went along with them. As far as the title of this particular post, Shannon and Kylie decided to make sugar cookies yesterday, and they found some orange frosting that I bought at Target on clearance after Halloween. I can't ever pass up stuff that's 90% off, even if it is orange frosting. Unfortunately, somehow the dog got a hold of some of the said frosting, and hence the title.

I was going to make this post about the lighted boat parade we went to last night. We have a man-made lake in the middle of town here, and every year they have a bunch of people that light up their boats with hordes of Christmas lights and drive them down the lake. It's actually pretty cool. But, I'll have to do that one tomorrow, because I left the pictures I took last night at work.

So, today's topic is what I think is the best thing about being the mother of teenaged daughters. I'm pluralizing this now, because Shannon will be 13 in one month, and I need practice saying I have two teenagers without fainting, or overdosing on Xanax.

There are some fun things about being the mother of teenaged girls. You can share some inside jokes, you can actually (sometimes) have meaningful and heart-warming conversations with them. We like some of the same music. Danni and I both think Johnny Depp and Matthew McConaughey are hot. Right now, Shannon is reading The Outsiders for English class, and I'm enjoying reliving that. Did you all realize that Patrick Swayze is FIFTY FIVE years old?? We were watching the movie, and Shannon said "THAT'S Tom Cruise???" Hee. They also both commented on how cute Rob Lowe was. I was thinking, "You should see him in St. Elmo's Fire!" *drool*

Where was I?

Oh yes, the best thing. There are all those nice things, and then there's this:
When they are being hormonal, on the rag (well, not Shannon on that one yet), having little spats with their friends, or otherwise just going through normal teenage stuff (mainly being hormonal though), guess who gets to take the brunt of the snippy little comments muttered under the breath, the snotty attitude, the comments that sound as if they're about to bite your head off, and then the insistance that NOTHING IS WRONG???? Oh yeah, it's Mom. Remember me? The one who carried you in my body for 9 months, and then had you unceremoniously and surgically ripped from my womb? Fed you at 1am, 3am and 5am, changed umpteen diapers, and kissed all your boo-boos better? Yeah, that's me. I love being treated as if I've done something wrong when I've done nothing, and in fact was gone at work until 2:30pm. They don't snip and snarl at their dad like they do me. Did I mention I've done absolutely nothing to deserve this? Things you have no control over somehow become your fault. And if you dare say something like,

"Um, it's not my fault that ___________" (fill in your own little teenage angsty problem here), they become extremely indignant and begin sniping away:

"I didn't SAY it was your fault!!! Did I SAY it was your fault?? Stop ACCUSING ME of things!!! GOD!!!" Stomp stomp stomp stomp SLAM!!

No, it's not constant or even frequent. But those few days once a month are more than enough. Wow, I can't wait until BOTH of them have their periods. Maybe they'll even do it at the same time. Doesn't that sound fun?

Hey Honey? Anytime you'd like to step in here, I'd be glad to clean up the orange frosting barf.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

If You Give a Mom a Margarita

With my humblest apologies to Laura Joffe Numeroff, the author of the wonderful book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie

If You Give a Mom a Margarita

If you give a mom a margarita,

She’s going to ask for some chips.

When you give her the chips, she’ll probably ask for some salsa.

When she’s finished with her drink, she’ll ask for a refill.

Then she’ll want to go to the bathroom, because tequila makes you have to pee.

When she looks in the bathroom mirror, she’ll probably notice that her makeup is wearing off, and ask you for a compact.

When she’s done fixing her makeup, she’ll head back to the table. She’ll sit down and finish her second margarita, then decide that the table needs a round of tequila shots.

She’ll ask the waiter for some salt and limes.

Her best friend will offer to buy the next round. The mom will offer to lick the salt off the bartender’s shoulder.

She’ll probably ask the guy at the next table to dance. When she sees him dance, she’ll get so excited that she’ll do a dance of her own.

She will order a third round of shots, and dance some more. On the tables.

When the dance is finished, she’ll want a pen to write his phone number on her arm.

Then she’s going to want to go home and pass out, so she’ll need...a designated driver.

Thinking about going home is going to remind her that there are kids at home, and she’ll order another margarita.

And chances are, if she has another margarita, she’s going to want a tequila shot to go with it.