Tuesday, June 24, 2008

90 Minutes and $12.50 That I Can't Get Back

So, I guess God missed my request a few posts back about not having to sit through Kung Fu Panda. Guess what Kylie and I did today?

Oh yeah.

You know it's bad when it's only a 90 minute movie, and you're thinking, "Good Lord, isn't this thing over yet? So I amused myself by taking pictures of the screen with my phone, trying to see what funny shots I could get. The above was about as good as that got.

Taking pictures of the movie screen killed at least two minutes. After that, I tried to decide which movie this movie was trying to be. At first, I thought, ok...misfit kid, wise old Master Shifu teaching him karate kung fu, so he can defeat the evil Johnny Lawrence of Cobra Kai Tai Lung. Yeah, I liked that one better with Pat Morita.

Then, there was also an even wiser old all-knowing turtle named Yoda Oogway, who is the spiritual guide for Obi Wan Kenobi Master Shifu, as he tries to teach Luke Po the Panda the ways of the Force kung fu, so he can have a final showdown with Darth Vader Tai Lung.

There was also a montage of "training" scenes for Po learning the kung fu, in which I fully expected to hear the theme from "Rocky."

I guess the point of all this is that I don't think anyone at Dreamworks has had an original idea since Shrek. I loved Shrek. Shrek was funny. This? Not so much.

And if all that wasn't bad enough, during the previews I learned that Madagascar 2 will be out in November. Joy. And to top it all off, there was this:

Now I love me some Star Wars. I'm not even one of those purists who only likes the first trilogy. I liked all six movies. But the whole time I was watching this, I was thinking, "Please let this be a commercial for a video game. This looks like a video game. Please let this be a video game."

Alas, it is not a video game. Oh George...what are you doing?

Friday, June 20, 2008

Flashback Friday

I was just spying on looking at my girls' MySpace pages, and some of the pictures they have taken with their friends in the past couple of weeks make them look so grown up. They're both out tonight, Shannon at the mall and Danni at a Tim McGraw concert. She's not a huge country music fan, but I think she went because it seemed like a fun thing to do with friends. She may be right, the music notwithstanding. Anyway.

Looking at the pictures of my grown-up girls made me quite sad and wondering what happened to my sweet little girls a little nostalgic. So on this, the first day of summer of 2008, here is a flashback to the summer of 2003. It's amazing how much things change in 5 years.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Son, You Got a Panty On Yer Head

Just because this makes me laugh, and because Jen mentioned it in the comments of my father's day post, here is the trailer for Raising Arizona. Not only does the "panty on your head" comment make me laugh, but also that Hy says,

"The first time I met Ed was in the county lockup in Tempe, Arizona."

Ok, I was born and raised in Tempe, and it's a college town (Arizona State) of about 200,000 people, not some little hick town. And it's not the county seat! The county jail is in Phoenix, not Tempe. Ok, then.

It's definitely one of my all-time favorite funny movies. If you've never seen it (and I can't imagine that you haven't), you need to!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Sometimes I Hate Being The Grown-Up

Danni is a really good kid. Thus far, we trust her. She always calls us to let us know where she is, or when she's leaving, or what's going on. She has a job. She's a good big sister. We are very lucky.

I don't think we are particularly over-protective parents. In fact, I often scoff at so-called "helicopter parents." But today, I had to tell her no.

Today my 16 year-old daughter asked her father and me if she could go to Rocky Point, Mexico, with her 17 year-old friend, 17 year-old friend's 18 year-old sister, and her sister's 18 year-old friend. Four teenage girls, alone, 100 miles inside the border of another country. I had to say no.

She is angry. Well, maybe angry isn't quite accurate. She is upset and disappointed. She says it feels like we don't trust her to make good decisions. She doesn't understand that why we had to say no has nothing to do with her or her ability to make decisions, and we told her so.

We have been to Rocky Point before, with friends. The first time, the two older girls and I went with a large group of friends, and shared a rental house on the beach. I forget why Steve didn't come with us. We left the day after Danni finished second grade, so she would have been eight, and Shannon was five. There were five families total, sharing a very large, six-bedroom house. We all had little kids at the time, and it was a lot of fun.

The second time we went, was for Father's Day 6 years ago. Again, we went with a group of friends and shared a rental house on the beach. The dads all went on a deep-sea fishing trip, taking my friend's oldest son, who was probably 12 or 13 at the time, with them. We won't mention how Steve got really seasick. Oops. Aside from that, the kids played on the beach, the moms sat around and drank (well, except me...I was 6 1/2 months pregnant with Kylie), and again, it was fun. Well, the kids and I had fun...not sure about Steve.

Because we have been there before, this isn't a case of "Oh my God, not Mexico!" It isn't that at all. We calmly explained our reasons/fears to her.

There is about 100 miles of land between the U.S/Mexico border and Rocky Point. What's on that land? Absolutely NOTHING. No homes, no stores, no pay phones, nothing. Zilch. It's June, and it's hot. What if your car breaks down on that stretch of road? What if you are stranded in this heat? You have no way to contact anyone...you will get no cell service on your phones in Mexico. You could also easily be attacked by...anyone who happens to drive by.

To me, four pretty teenage girls are an easy and very attractive target for thieves, and I don't even want to think about what else. Someone only taking your money is probably the best-case victim scenario.

This isn't like last weekend when your car battery died and I had to come rescue you from the drive-in movie at midnight with my jumper cables. That was a 15 mile drive. This is a 300 mile drive, to a foreign country.

The police in Mexico are rather corrupt, and not always willing to help Americans. Again, you take the rights you have here for granted.

If one of you gets hurt...maybe stung by a jellyfish in the ocean, or breaks an ankle on the stairs of the hotel...what would you do for medical care?

The list of things that I can see that could go wrong is very long. I called my old friend that we used to go to Rocky Point with, just to make sure I wasn't being overly-cautious. They still go down there quite frequently. I asked her if she would let her son (almost 18) go down there alone with three of his friends. Her answer was unequivocally, no way in hell. She said they don't even let him drive the vehicle inside Mexico when they are down there together, and there's no way she'd ever let him go down there without adults. By the way, this is a girl who used to run away and go to Rocky Point around age 15 or so, with boyfriends, and no adults. Somehow when you're a parent, the perspective is a little different. The irony does not escape her.

She also told me that the last time they were down there, Memorial Day weekend, they were stopped at a drug checkpoint by locals with machine guns. That has never happened to them before. Apparently, that area is having a lot of problems with drug cartels right now. All that just made me more sure that my instincts on this issue are correct.

I told her that I hated to say no. I know she thought we would say yes. I wish I could say yes. I told her that I know she is angry, and disappointed, and not very happy with us right now. You know what? I can live with that. But, my dearest daughter, if I were to give you permission to go, and something were to happen to you? That, I could not live with. How much of a cliche is it to tell your child, "Someday, when you have kids, you'll understand?" But baby, someday, when you have kids, you'll understand.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Dear God

Are you there God? Its me, the insane, stressed out mother of an adolescent girl Shelley. (I know, really original, right?)

I get that this is a rough time for her. Her body is changing, her hormones are raging. I get that she has to struggle through this on her own to become stronger. Like the bird breaking out of the egg on her own, and all that.

But why, God...why do I have to suffer too? Why does all this struggle have to come with the ugliest attitude since Cinderella's stepsisters? It's not making me stronger, it's making me angry and bitter. It's not giving me patience, it's giving me gray hair.

The absolute self-centeredness is making me tired. It's like the terrible twos/threes all over again, but with that attitude. Working for money is an old, antiquated concept, I know, but she's going to have to get over it. And what is with the eyerolling? What would possess anyone to believe that it is ok to roll their eyes and deep sigh me, ignore me, then turn around and ask me for $40 to go to the waterpark five minutes later? Was 13 really this bad with the oldest one? I don't remember. I think I've blocked it out.

God, I have a little request for you. It's a small one, but I know You can do anything, so here goes. When the small fry gets to be 11 years old, can we just jump forward in time to age 15? Can we just skip the whole 11-14 with her? Because, Lord, I don't think I have the strength, or the intestinal fortitude, or the brain cells left to go through this a third time.

Thank you.

P.S. If You could somehow fix it so I didn't have to sit through Kung Fu Panda at some point this summer, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks again.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

It's The World Series, Baby

More to the point, it's the College World Series. Well, even more to the point, it's the Women's College World series.

If you follow college sports, you may be aware that the boys are heading to their super-regionals, to see who will go to Omaha to fight for the national championship.

But did you know that tonight, in Oklahoma, my girls (and by "my", I mean it's my alma mater, we love softball, support the team, have been to a few games this year and I know most of the girls' names and positions. Oh, and most importantly, I'm wearing an ASU Softball t-shirt right now) are playing for the national championship. They've cruised through the national championship tournament without a loss. The final is best 2 out of 3 games.

Last night, they beat Texas A&M for win #1 in the championship series. If they win tonight, they are the NCAA national champs! I'm so pissed that I'm at work and can't watch the game. I'm recording it though, because I don't want to miss seeing those girls celebrate their first ever national title.

If you've never watched a college softball game, you should. They're fun! The game is on ESPN 2 at 5pm Pacific. Cheer for my team!

Go Devils!

Sunday, June 1, 2008

That About Sums It Up

I was at Barnes and Noble on Friday because I wanted to pick up a book for a friend's birthday. It's in the humor section, titled Porn for Women. Go ahead, you can look. It's not what you think, but it sure is funny.

If you know someone that's going to have a baby, and they also have a good sense of humor, this would make a terrific shower gift: Porn for New Moms. You can look at that one too. Really, it's ok. And give it to her before the baby comes...you know, before she loses that great sense of humor. I wonder if I'll get extra hits on my blog now, because I'm writing about women and porn?

Attention Internet Perverts: If you are reading this blog because you Googled "Women" and "Porn", please leave a comment. I'm dying to know.

While I was browsing in the humor section, looking for the porn book, (because finding out the author and therefore being able to find it quickly would take all the fun out of browsing now, wouldn't it?) I saw another book called Too Old for MySpace, Too Young For Medicare.

I'm pleased that someone has finally written a long-overdue biography on me. I'll be at Barnes and Noble next Friday at 10am for storytime, if you'd like your copy autographed.