Friday, March 27, 2009


I'm paralyzed. Not literally, but I'm sitting here and I can't move because I don't know what to do first/next/at all. This seems like a good time for a song:

I love that song. Unfortunately, I'm still sitting here.

A lot has happened in the past couple of weeks, you see.

As you know, we went to Colorado for spring break. We visited a perfectly nice high school that we hoped that our incoming freshman and incoming senior would attend. The incoming freshman couldn't seem to wake up and get ready in time for our 10am appointment, but that's ok. She would have just stood around, rolling her eyes the whole time anyway. We also took a tour of the school, and school is still in session for them right now. So while Danni didn't care that we were walking around with her, Shannon would have been so mortified that she would have died right on the spot. So it's probably better that she didn't go.

After the tour, we met the principal, and then talked with one of the assistant principals. Well, mostly Steve talked, while I watched my daughter getting more and more upset, but trying not to show it. She held it together pretty well until we got out of the car.

Then she said, "I just can't do this. I don't want to leave Arizona. I want to have my senior year at my High School."

Which in my opinion, is perfectly understandable. I would feel the same way.

We kicked around a new idea for a while. Kylie, Danni and I would stay in Arizona for another year. We'd move out of the house and get an apartment to save money. Shannon would go to Colorado and live with Steve so she could start her freshman year there. It took us about a day to realize that it wasn't exactly financially prudent to keep supporting two households. Especially since, you know, my job was outsourced to India.

Then we have the third option. Way back in December when we first found out about the new job and the move, my parents offered to let Danni live with them so she could stay here and finish high school. Plus, she says, she's wanted to go to ASU since she was about four years old, and if she left now, she'd no longer be a resident of AZ.

It looks like option three is what's going to happen. Danni will stay here and live with my parents for her senior year. Since they don't live within her high school boundaries, we're going to have to get a boundary exemption, which her counselor has already told me will be no problem. I should go over to the school and get that form, but I can't move.

I also need to call the family court. My parents will have to have some sort of legal guardianship, in case...something happens. Or even just to sign school forms.

I just spoke with someone in residency at ASU. He was very nice and understanding, but it seems we're in a bit of a gray area here in terms of residency. While she will be here, we...the people providing the payments...will not. However, she has lived here all her life. Her mother in an ASU alumnus. That ought to count for something. He suggested she apply online as soon as this July, just to establish that she is here, in the state. Except she hasn't taken an SAT or ACT yet. He also suggested that she keep all pay stubs from a job that she will have during her senior year. More proof that she's actually living here.

Let's forget all that for a moment. I just got my final severance payment on Friday, which equals two weeks pay. After that two weeks, my unemployment benefits should start. Should. Start. I filled out their paperwork, jumped through their hoops, got my debit card that they put the benefits on. I try to call to make sure things will work as they're supposed to. But when I call the unemployment office, I get an automated message that they are currently receiving a high volume of calls and they can't help me right now. Goodbye. I've been trying to call for three days, and I get that message every time.

Here's another issue: When my lovely former company outsourced my job to India, they had me sign a termination and release agreement. As part of this agreement, they would pay my COBRA benefits, in full (employer and employee portions) for March and April. COBRA sent me their paperwork. I filled it out and sent it back the same day. I am enrolled in their system. But guess what? My former company has not paid the benefit. How surprising.

I call COBRA. They said to get my company's agreement to pay my benefit in writing. I said, "Oh, but I have it in writing, right here." They said in that case, just fax it to them. So I did. I spoke with a woman yesterday who received my fax. However, I am still unclear as to whether or not I have benefits right now. I hope no one breaks a leg.

Then there was my great plan to have Kylie play spring softball for the first time. Coach-pitch. Never mind that Danni is playing for her high school varsity team and Shannon is getting ready to play for her jr high team, and I'm temporarily a single mom. I volunteered to be team mom. Because really, I didn't have enough going on in my head.

I am kicking myself for not putting Kylie in t-ball. I based this decision purely on two things: 1) She can already hit a pitch that's tossed to her, so I figured t-ball was a waste of time. 2) Shannon played t-ball when she was 5 and 6. When she was done, I was ecstatic that I would never have to sit through the torture of another t-ball game. Really, they are excruciatingly painful to watch.

Kylie would have been a star on the t-ball team. Instead, on the coach-pitch team, she's the smallest player, and she's out in right field watching the ladybugs in the grass. I swear, the kid has the attention span of a gnat. I know the other parents are thinking, "why the hell isn't that kid in t-ball?" In order for a glove to be big enough for a softball, it is too big for her hand. She has a hard time opening and closing the glove. Therefore, she can't really catch. She can throw, and she can hit. But I should have put her in t-ball. I'm an idiot.

I picked up the team shirts on Wednesday night and found out what color they were, so I ran all over town yesterday trying to find 13 pairs of shorts to match the shirts. Along with the help of another mom, we now have shirts, shorts, and socks to hand out at practice tonight, so at least they'll look cute for their pictures tomorrow. And maybe the other parents will forgive me for putting my kid on their team.

There is so much going on in my head that I literally can't move. I don't know what to do. It's only 10am. Somehow sitting in this chair all day seems unproductive. But I really have no idea what to do. Paralyzed by fear, uncertainty, and opening day tomorrow. For my six year-old. And losing my oldest baby a year earlier than I ever intended. She's totally fine with living here with my parents...I'm a mess. And the move. And money. Unemployment. Commission. Insurance. Pee-wee softball. Someone help me get off this chair. I need to do...something. I just don't know what.


Fannie said...

I'm feeling much the same way these days. Though mine has more to do with work and sending number 2 off to college. blech.

onthegomom said...

I'm of no help, I'm afraid. I too "shut down" when I am under a tremendous amount of stress. If you figure out how to kick it, please let me know :-)

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

What a lot to deal with.

It does seem like you're doing the best thing for the whole family with Danni staying in Arizona, but I can see why it would be very difficult. I was wondering about the residency thing--woe to the young adult that is actually self-supporting. Giving your parents legal guardianship (providing your family gets along really well and you trust them 100% to follow your wishes) might be the answer to the residency dilemma.

Good luck!

gorillabuns said...

goodness! i don't i could move with all that is going on in your life!