The One Where We (Attempted To) Play Racquetball

I have a gym membership. I'm not sure what possessed me to do this again, because to get the really good price, you have to sign a year contract. I only got the membership because I wanted to start exercising and it was too freaking hot at the time to do anything outside. (Phoenix in June, yeah.)

So, got the membership. Never mind that I HATE the treadmill, and gyms are full of treadmills. A veritable farm of treadmills. Any exercise involving the words "tread" and/or "mill" has no place in my life. I would rather walk outside for an hour than spend 5 minutes on a treadmill. Even if the most interesting TV show or the best movie in the world is playing in front of me, it doesn't matter. Treadmills make me want to tear my hair out, because they're just that boring. No, music doesn't help. The stationary bike isn't much better. It's a tiny bit better because I can read, sort of, while doing that, but it still bores the ever-living crap out of me.

I had a goal of going to the gym 4 days a week, so I wouldn't get burned out. Well, occasionally I made it three days a week. For the past month or so though, it's been not at all. We went on vacation, you see...and the kids had a school break...and truth be told, I'm lazy and I hate exercising. But...they have racquetball courts there! Racquetball isn't exercising, it's playing a game! Huge difference to me. I used to play in high school, and I was actually pretty good. So this morning I asked husband to join me at the gym and play some racquetball. He was up for it.

After strapping on his knee brace (he had knee-replacement surgery about 6 years ago), we went. Have I mentioned that he also has M.S.? This might be important later when I talk about how he kicked my ass. Have you ever been in an indoor racquetball court? There is an extremely LOUD echo in those places.

I know this probably won't be funny to anyone else. It's probably one of those "you had to be there" things. But he started announcing: "Now batting for the Diamondbacks...Eric Byrnes!" (Byrnes, Byrnes, Byrnes) The echo was killing me. He also did some Bill Cosby:

Zooba, zooba, zooba....ding!

"Noah!"

"Somebody call me?"

Zooba, zooba, zooba....ding!

"NOAH!"

"What? Who is that?"

"It's the Lord, Noah!"

"Riiiight!"

This probably isn't funny without being able to hear it with the echo. But there were times when I was laughing so hard, I could barely swing my racquet. There's nothing funnier than hitting the ball, having it sail behind you, then hearing a big echoing "Oooofffffffffffffffffff!" Turning around, seeing husband with one hand between his legs.

"What happened?"

"I think I broke my left nut."

Or him announcing the score before he served: "Person with extremely limited range of motion, FIVE" (fiveeee iveee iveee iveee) "Perfectly healthy woman, TWO!! (twooooo ooooo oooo oooo ooo)

Or him diving for balls. He's such a guy. I said "Do not dive for shots! Is that point in a pickup racquetball game with your wife really worth hurting yourself?" Did he stop diving? Of course not.

So yeah, he beat me. 25-10 the first game, and 15-9 the second game. I lost to a guy with a replaced knee, another bad knee, and M.S. Oh yeah, and he smokes. Next time, I'll give him the beating he deserves. I'm going to practice behind his back.

The cool thing is that we actually had FUN. I don't even remember the last time we did something and had fun together. We've had kids for way too long. At least with his left nut being broken, we won't be having any more.