Damn You, Kevin Bacon

I'm having a rough day, y'all. You want to hear about it? Well, why are you here then? Geez.

First, Friday is supposed to be one of my precious two days off. But I'm at work right now because about a month ago I agreed to take a co-worker's shift so he could play in one of his stupid golf tournaments. At what point do you resign yourself to the fact that you are a mediocre golfer and you are not going to make the PGA tour? Just saying.

So yes, it's my own fault I'm here, but I didn't really realize the impact of things that I might need to do today.

Shannon went tubing on the river with a friend today. Actually her friend's dad took a group of girls. When they came to the door to get her, I went out to meet the dad. I don't think this is unreasonable. Besides, I had four $5 off tube-rental/shuttle bus coupons that I wanted to give him from when I took the girls there. That's saving him $20, so I thought that was nice of me. However, when I started to follow the girls out to the car, this came out of Shannon's mouth. Let me see if I can get the inflection right...

"OHMYGOD Mom....You are SO. EMBARRASSING!!!!"

Or something very close to that. Said loudly. Right in front of her friends. Keep it up kid...you'll find out what embarrassing is.

The exchange between Tom (the girl's dad) and I was about 20 seconds long. He saw me coming out of the house, so he got out of the car and stuck out his hand. He said,

"Hi, I'm Tom."

I shook his hand and said,

"I'm Shelley. Nice to meet you. Here are a few $5 off coupons for tube rentals that we got last time we went. I thought maybe you could use them."

"Great, thanks!"

"Have fun!"

God. I'm so embarrassing. She should thank her lucky stars that I didn't mention that I thought Tom was kind of hot. Now THAT would have been embarrassing.

After that, Danni, Kylie and I went over to the high school to pay for the damn $50 parking pass. Then, since Danni hasn't really been able to work the last two weeks because of band camp, and it was payday (mine and husband's) and I was feeling generous, I decided to fill up her car with gas.

Here's the difference between my two older daughters. When I do something like that for Dan, she is extremely appreciative. She thanks me several times. I know she is grateful for my help. When I do something for Shannon, like buy her the neon blue jeans she wanted, or let her go tubing with people I don't know, or give her smart-ass little prick of a friend Alec a ride to the mall, I don't feel appreciated. In fact, I feel barely tolerated. I don't feel like I've done anything different in terms of raising the two of them. Is this just 13 year-oldism? I don't remember if Danni was like this or not. I've totally blocked it out. Like you do with a bad train wreck.

Speaking of bad train wrecks, I just watched a movie called Rails and Ties, with Kevin Bacon and Marcia Gay Harden. It's also the directorial debut of Clint Eastwood's daughter, Alison. I'm not going to say anything else about it, other than you've probably never heard of it, I don't know if it was in theaters, but I thought it was extremely well done. You can get it at Blockbuster. If you ever feel like you just want to curl up with a box or two of tissues and have yourself a good cry...rent this movie.

To make things worse, I know someone who's going through the exact same thing the woman is going through in this movie...dying...same disease. And I just found out that the person I know isn't going to make it much longer.

Then I realized that I'm sitting at work today (well, I'm outta here at 8pm), but today is the last weekday that Kylie will be home, ever. I mean, she starts school on Monday. Well, all three of them start school on Monday, but Kylie starts all-day kindergarten on Monday.

I honestly thought that I was going to throw a big party on that day. The day she was finally in school all day. When I got pregnant with Kylie, Shannon was halfway through 1st grade, and she had only done half-day kindergarten. (You could do half-day kindergarten back then.) I had four months of bliss, with both my girls in school all day. And then I found out I was pregnant. And I was pissed. The string of words that came out of my mouth when that home test came out positive was most definitely not family-friendly.

But then I got used to the idea. And then we found out it was another girl. And Danni (age 10) was so excited about having a baby in the family. Shannon wanted a brother, but I think she just said that to be contrary. Now that I think back, she acted 13 when she was 7. Anyway.

We all got excited about the baby. And then she was here. And now she's going to kindergarten. What's going to happen on Monday is that I will hold my tears back until she gets out of the car. And then I'll watch her tiny little frame and her white-blond hair and her Hannah Montana backpack walk into the building. And then I will cry.

I have no idea why this is affecting me like this. I don't remember feeling this way when Shannon started first grade, which was the first time she was gone all day. And it wasn't because I had another little one, because when Shannon started first-grade, Kylie wasn't with us yet. So at the time, Shannon was the baby.

Damn hormones, I think. (So, peri-menopause? That can occur 10 years before menopause and make your hormones act the same way they did when you were pregnant, not the least of which is crying at the drop of a hat? That's bullshit, I say. Plus, why would anyone cry just because they dropped their hat?) Oh, and damn you too, Kevin Bacon. You didn't help today. I should have watched Footloose instead.

So, on Monday morning Jen, Kirsten and I will go have breakfast. It's Kirsten's youngest's first day of kindergarten too. We can cry together. Hey guys...I called Mimi's cafe today. They open at 7am, and they do have a small bar. The hostess told me they serve mimosas. I don't think that 8am on a Monday morning is too early to start drinking, do you?