Finally...It's Football Season!

And if those words don't make you happier than a frat boy with a keg and a drunk sorority girl, then you should probably stop reading now.

I love football, especially college football, and ASU had their first game last night, and we're now 1-0! Ok, so our first game, against Northern Arizona University, is a Division II school in Flagstaff. What's your point? We took it easy on them.

Junior receiver Chris McGaha (pronounced Ma-Gay-Hey, if you're interested, which you're probably not) looked great, and there's another receiver, a sophomore from a local high school powerhouse which shall not be named because they are the main rival of daughter's high school. His name is Kerry Taylor, and he made a couple of great catches last night. So even though two years ago I couldn't stand him because he went to that...other high school...now he goes to the right school, and I'm sure I'll quickly become a fan. Because that's the way I roll.

We also seem to have made some improvements on the offensive line, because while I was awake, I think our quarterback was only sacked once. Woohoo! Perhaps I should wait until halftime to open the wine, so I can see the whole game.

Next week should be a bit more of a challenge, as we have Stanford. (What? A conference game so early? wtf?) Then UNLV after that, and then the fourth week is the biggie, the Georgia Bulldogs. Yikes.

And then, this Friday is the first high school game. Yay! I hope our team is decent this year. Danni's freshman year they went to the state semi-finals, then last year they lost their first playoff game. It would be so nice to have a season like her freshman year again. Go Wolves! God, I love this stuff.

There's Been A Disruption In the Time/Space Continuum

So, yesterday I started working at my same job, but now instead of working from 3pm to 11pm, I'm there from 8:30am to 4pm.

It's definitely an adjustment. I don't so much care for the rush hour traffic. Both coming and going. It's not that bad though...it only takes me about 10 minutes longer to get there than it did when I wasn't in rush hour traffic.

Here's the weird part: The day seems very long. You would think that during the day, there is more to do and the time would go faster. You would think. But for some reason, the day seems longer to me than the night shift did. I think I've figured out why.

There's been a disruption in the time/space continuum, you see. No, I'm not driving a DeLorean. But before, when I was working evenings, I was still up at 7am, taking people to school, and then doing various things, from running errands to grocery shopping, seeing friends, occasionally doing some laundry, etc. In other words, I had a day. And THEN, I went to work.

Now, my day IS at work. And now I come home, nag people about homework, make dinner, do kindergarten homework with the youngest (don't panic, it's only one page), watch some TV with the kids, and clean up the house for the next day.

I kind of do the same things, but in a different order. And somehow this is completely messing with my head. The day seems so very, very long.

There are also now people to deal with, at work. Most of them, I like. One of them even occasionally reads this blog. (Hi Bonnie!) But there are a couple of people that I can see pushing me over the edge.

One of them is the bane of my existence, a temp/trainee, whom I'm going to refer to as Twink. Bonnie has thus dubbed her, and it is so. Because it's funny. Twink is 18 years old, and she has the emotional and mentally maturity of a 12 year-old. She apparently has anxiety issues, and OCD, but she's also silly and immature. I've decided that the only way I'm going to survive this girl is to mess with her head when she asks stupid questions. And by stupid questions, observe the example from today:

Twink, randomly: "Where does your hair grow from?"

Supervisor: "Um...your scalp?"

Me: "It grows directly from your brain."

Twink: "Really?"

Me: "Totally. It comes right out of your brain and it pokes through your head. Every time you cut your hair, you get a little bit dumber because you're cutting off brain cells."

At this point, co-workders starting laughing, thus blowing my story. In case you think Twink is just acting dumb...I assure you, she's not acting.

I also got to listen to her side of a conversation with her boyfriend on the phone today. It went like this:

"Are you mad? You sound mad." Pause "I'm at work. Why would you think I'm somewhere else? I don't get why you're mad." Pause "Because of the way you're acting. I'm at work. Why are you getting mad?" Ad nauseum. Oh yes...her boyfriend is an abusive asshole. Surprise. I swear, if I wanted to be in middle school, I'd be in one.

The answer is headphones. Big ones, that plug into my laptop and drown out Twink. Although, I think this may be good blog fodder. The Adventures of Twink. Because I swear, sometimes she says things that just...defy explanation. I wonder what kind of shit I can make up to tell her tomorrow.

Finally...Validation!

Are You Serious?

It's been pointed out to me that I haven't posted in nearly two weeks. This is mostly because I don't really have much to say, and certainly nothing interesting or funny. If you want funny, please check this out: Back to School with Bathtub Gangsta

Anyway, things have been kind of shitty boring around here lately, which is why I haven't posted. So just for fun, here's a list of things that you wouldn't think you would need to tell teenagers, but for some reason, you do. Feel free to add your own:

1. Songs with the words "fuck" and "shit" in them are not acceptable to be played in my house. It's especially not acceptable to put your iPod into your radio and play said songs at full volume, while your five year-old sister is in the house.

2. Trash belongs in a trash can.

3. Ants are attracted to food.

4. I cannot pull $20 bills out of my ass. (That one is especially for the 13 year-old).

5. When your mother does something nice for you, like buying food for your hamster, replacing the vanity bulbs in your bathroom, straightening up your room (I was feeling extremely generous that day*), or making you a nice dinner, the appropriate response is "Thanks, Mom!"

*Disclaimer - I do not often clean up the rooms of my teenagers. That is their job. However, in the midst of a rousing game of "What the Hell Is That Stench?", I kind of ended up straightening up the room somewhat.

6. It's really nice that you want to save the earth by being "green." You even congratulated your dad on buying some fluorescent last-forever light bulbs. However, if you want to do your part to save the planet, you might want to start by turning off your bedroom light, your bathroom light, and your radio. Oh, and closing the door so we're not air-conditioning the whole neighborhood? That would be nice too.

Ok, it's official. I have totally turned into my own mother. Next thing you know, I'm going to be peeking out of my curtains, spying on the neighbors and calling the cops on the ones who are parked in front of the fire hydrant.

Does It Clean The House?

Last week I was informed by my oldest daughter that she needed a special calculator for math this year and that said calculator would cost $100. I laughed, because clearly she was joking.

Except she wasn't.

Her teacher said she needed a TI-83 graphing calculator. Because of my habit of staying as far away from all things math as possible, I had never heard of a graphing calculator. Apparently it has an LED screen that you can use for, among other things, making graphs and charts and ... stuff. I'll bet it will find the area under the curve too. That is a phrase which I had hoped I would never hear again as long as I lived. That, and the word "anti-derivative."

The calculator looks like this:


It has some buttons that sounded vaguely familiar, things like tan, cos, sine and other hideous terms that I have tried very hard to erase from my brain. It also has buttons that I have never seen nor heard of. And, if you press that yellow button at the top left of the buttons, every button on the calculator has a different function. It is one scary piece of machinery. This is for algebra 2, and also physics. I took both these classes, and I don't remember having one of these. I'm guessing they didn't exist at the time.

According to Danni, they do have several of these calculators that are available for use in class. However, that doesn't help much if you're at home doing homework. I'm sure Google can replicate every single function on this calculator somehow, but I'm way too lazy to figure out how. I'm also too lazy to put away the laundry that's sitting on my bed right now, but that's another post.

Anyway, I bit the bullet today and bought the thing. Casio sells a similar/probably the same thing version for half the price, but I figured that would trip us up at some point. There'd be some random function that the Casio didn't have, then my kid would be screwed because I tried to save $50.

I did some research and found out that they were available at most stores, like Best Buy and Target, but Radio Shack was offering a $30 mail-in rebate when you buy one. Hello, Radio Shack.

I went by myself while Danni was at work. I picked the thing up, and I was really surprised at how heavy it was. When I got home and opened the package, I discovered that it wasn't the calculator that was heavy, it was the instruction manual.

In fact, I was pretty amused when I noticed that the manual was about the same size as the novel I'm currently reading:

I was proud of myself when I figured out how to turn the thing on without consulting the manual. There was a button that said "on." However, my husband had to show me how to turn it off, because it involved pressing the yellow button and then pressing the "on" button again, which somehow equals "off."

Then I pressed a button that said "graph", and a nifty blank graph came up on the screen. I'm not nearly interested enough to try and figure out how to plot points on the graph, though. The first page of the manual gave me a headache, so I stopped reading. Hey, I'm not the one taking the classes.

Husband walked in and picked the calculator up off the table and held it in front of his pants. I looked at him like he was weird, because he is, and said,

"What the hell are you doing?"

He replied,

"For $100, at least it ought to blow me."

I'm Moving

Well, I'm not going very far. Actually, I'm changing shifts on my job.

You see, for the past four years, I've been working a swing shift, 3pm - 11pm. The reason for this is so I could stay home during the day with my youngest daughter. It was great being able to be home with her. The only downside is that during the week, while school was in session, I didn't see much of the other two kids. They were in school while I was home with Kylie, and then I was at work when they were home in the evening.

But, they were old enough to help out, make things work reasonably well, and I got to see them in the mornings before school, and on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Now, Kylie has started all-day kindergarten. And even during the first week, I knew things were going to have to change. All of a sudden, I had a five-year old who was in school when I was home, and at home when I was at work. She missed me very much, and as the week went on, she would call me, very sad, and ask me when I was coming home. On Mondays and Wednesdays I was able to pick her up from school and spent about 30 minutes with her before I had to leave for work. When I had to leave, she got very upset. She latched onto me tightly and asked me not to go. She asked if she could come with me. She said,

"But I'm going to miss you, Mommy", with a little quiver in her voice.

If that doesn't break your heart, I don't know what will.

I knew something had to change.

So, today I had a meeting with my supervisor and the person that's going to be taking over my evening shift. Starting on Monday the 25th of August, I'm going to be working from 8:30am to 4pm Mon-Thurs, and still keep my Sunday morning shift. I'll have Friday and Saturday off like I do now.

I should be happy about this, but I'm not. I know Kylie misses me, and I miss her too. But there are so many things about swing shift that I like. It's rarely busy, so I can usually do what I want. There are only a couple of other people in the office, so no one bothers me. It's quiet. Also, I can get things done during the day. Errands, housekeeping, laundry, grocery shopping, all done when no one else is home. If someone has a problem at school or is sick, I'm home to take care of it. I'm available to volunteer at the elementary school.

Basically, the only downside to the swing shift is not being home with my family. But that's one big downside. I can't say I'm happy about moving to days. I'm really not. Too many people in the office, too much commotion. A couple of people I'm not too crazy about.

When am I going to get anything done? If I'm housecleaning when everyone else is home and no one helps out, it's going to piss me off. If I'm home alone and I'm doing stuff, it's fine because no one is there. But if everyone else is just sitting around while I'm vacuuming or doing laundry or the multitude of other things I do during the day...it's not going to be pretty. I think they're going to hate me for a while, at least until we all get used to me being home again. It's been four years that I've been doing this.

Truthfully, I'd rather not have a job at all. That way, I could be home during the day and get all my stuff done, and then be home in the evenings too. That would be great. Oh, well there's that pesky detail of my salary. And the fact that we use the benefits from my job, because they're better than what's offered at husband's job.

Why can't someone just pay me for being a fabulous human being? That's a job, right there.

Two weeks until the big move. Sigh. I hope this isn't a disaster. Kylie will be happy...I don't know about everyone else.

I Found It!

Where I Wish I Was Right Now

Mission Beach, San Diego, CA. A beach chair, an umbrella, a fantastic book, and a large bottle of rum. I would sit there all. damn. day.