The Proximity Diet

Did you know that Colorado is the skinniest state in America, with an obesity rate of only 18.4%? You can see that because Colorado is green on the map, while the fat states are brown and orange, or if you're Mississippi, God forbid, red. Did you also know that Colorado has held this title since 1990? And hey, what's up all my fattie sisters in Mississippi?

Of course, when I first arrive in Colorado, everyone will be all, who's the new fat lady in the neighborhood? But then, just by being close to healthy people, I will automatically become skinnier and healthier.

I will become an outdoorsy, hiking, biking, green, tree-hugging, granola-eating, Birkenstock-wearing, cloth bag-using, armpit hair-growing health nut. Except for the armpit hair part.

I'll let you know how that works out. But I'm totally still buying razors.